What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
If you leave me a comment, I will love you forever. :)
If you follow me... well, that's just even better.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

You said it, C.S.

"...if all you are interested in is writing, you will never be a writer..."

The following is a letter from CS Lewis to a young woman who wrote him asking for tips on writing. Seriously, read it several times, even the lines that seem "obvious".


The Kilns
Headington Quarry,
Oxford
14 Dec. 1959
Dear Thomasine,
It is very hard to give any general advice about writing. Here’s my attempt:
  1. Turn off the Radio.
  2. Read all the good books you can, and avoid nearly all magazines.
  3. Always write (and read) with the ear, not the eye. You shd. Hear every sentence you write as if it was being read aloud or spoken. If it does not sound nice, try again.
  4. Write about what really interests you, whether it is real things or imaginary things, and nothing else. (Notice this means that if you are interested only in writing you will never be a writer, because you will have nothing to write about…)
  5. Take great pains to be clear. Remember that though you start by knowing what you mean, the reader doesn’t, and a single ill-chosen word may lead him to a total misunderstanding. In a story it is terribly easy just to forget that you have not told the reader something that he needs to know- the whole picture is so clear in your own mind that you forget that it isn’t the same in his.
  6. When you give up a bit of work don’t (unless it is hopelessly bad) throw it away. Put it in a drawer. It may come in useful later. Much of my best work, or what I think my best, is the re-writing of things begun and abandoned years earlier.
  7. Don’t use a typewriter. The noise will destroy your sense of rhythm, which still needs years of training.
  8. Be sure you know the meaning (or meanings) of every word you use.


From The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume III- page 1108



I couldn't have said it better myself, Mr. Lewis (which is why I'm not going to even attempt).

Saturday, January 29, 2011

William Shakespeare

I'm going to admit something to you that I don't admit to very many people: I've always thought William Shakespeare was a hack.

Ok, maybe that's a bit harsh. I think the fact that people give Shakespeare God-like properties is absurd. (The fact that he is given so much of the curriculum in school, the way people speak of him like his words are more Holy than that of Jesus Christ Himself, etc.)

That is, until recently. Call it "maturity," or maybe even "selling out," but as I learn more of life, I start to understand what the hype was all about. I still don't think His Almightiness Mr. William Shakespeare is quite as fantastical as he seems, but he definitely understood - and had a desire to share - a lot of real, harsh truths about life.

Remember this post I wrote the other day when I felt like a really terrible mom? Well, my dad did what he usually does and wrote me a sweet e-mail about how he thought it was well-written and that he understands the feeling I was referring to all too well. He attached these two things at the end of his note, which were extremely appropriate for the subject, and I'd like to add them to my comments on the Apple/Tree Phenomenon:

Who Forged These Bonds?

Love brought us to each other and suggested
that happiness comes from shared experience;
and so,
we willingly took those first small steps
that led us to these binding ties.
How soon we discovered
That being yoked together is not the same as going together.

Sadness came,
when first we understood
that marriage alone could not create a Knight in Shining Armor,
and Sleeping  Beauty needed more than kisses.
Now years have passed in exploration of each other’s heart and mind,
and still we’re learning who we are.
Experience taught us to fan the fires of love
when all the kindling was used up.

Bonds of mere attraction,
so precariously frail,
could not have long endured without the harness of commitment.
In the heat of life’s furnace,
We stood together
until our love became tempered and strong.
and now we know,
it’s work as well as love that turns I do into I can,
and will,
regardless of the ease or struggle.

We could not always choose the load we bore,
but patience and practice taught us when to lead,
and when to follow.
Joy came,
as we traveled life in tandem
holding fast the fetters of our marriage,
polishing and perfecting these bonds that are so dear.

Who forged these bonds that hold us?
We did.

Also, William Shakespeare spoke more eloquently to this same subject:

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 



I guess you already know Shakespeare didn't write the first one. ;) My dad actually wrote that himself in 1994 about his own experience with marriage. (More about my dad's thoughts on marriage here in The Benefits of Marriage.) If you're like me, though, Sonnet 116 is something you have heard a bunch of times, until it had no meaning anymore.  Read this again:

"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken..."


Why did we not get it when we were kids?? 

He wasn't just making a pretty metaphor! Tempests, people! Tempests!

Our English teachers and drama teachers never quite got the message across (how could they?) that LOVE and TEMPESTS (violent storms, people!) are the SAME THING. And to truly love, one must not try to change, bend, or shake in the storm! 


I used to always think that meant you shouldn't change in the face of the difficult times. I think now that it means you can't try to change your partner, even when you find things that you think could probably use some changing. The sooner you learn to accept and actively love them as they are, the closer you are to actually loving.

Marriage is to a storm as ... oh, nevermind. I never was much good at those. You get the point. 

Shakespeare, you're alright in my book.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Then there are days...

Some days I feel like my luck just couldn't get worse. I feel completely stuck and confused about the future. My past is a jumbled mess of mistakes and painful memories, and my current circumstances don't seem much better.

Then there are days like this one I had yesterday...

I have a blast playing with my baby

...even though my legs are fat and I no longer have knees.

Sometimes he smiles at me and I just think, "Seriously? That's mine?!"

...and THAT'S mine?!

...and THAT'S mine!?!?

Max wakes up from a nap, happy to see me

My boys play together nicely (rare)

...They share...

And everyone is happy when Daddy comes home.

I don't know about you, but when I have days like this one... I feel pretty stupid for complaining about my life.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Sleep-Deprived

If there's ONE thing I know by heart, it's the never-quite-asleep, never-quite-awake state of newborn-induced sleep deprivation.

So, I went ahead and wrote this article to spread my good advice to the masses. If you know anyone who needs this info, please pass it on. :) I benefit greatly from the exposure, and more than that, THEY NEED all the help they can get!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

It's amazing what you find when you clean your room.

You know how you unpack your suitcase the minute you get home from a trip?

Ha ha ha. Was I pulling that off? Of course I don't do that.
The minute I get home from a trip, I lay down for a nap!
One must always have a vacation after their vacation.
I guess that philosophy is why I live in a sea of clothes, papers, etc.
(It's not quite as bad as THIS, but it's no OCD-ridden space either.)

Anyway! That's not the point. The point is that I FOUND something today while I was unpacking my suitcase from this fun I had:






 You see, six years ago I did this: 
(got married)
Instead of a traditional honeymoon (which costs money), Husband and I went to a super amazing bed & breakfast. It was absolutely gorgeous, and we soaked up every moment of our 12-hour "honeymoon" there.

However, when we got home, my mother asked me where my "something borrowed" (and old, and blue) was. I couldn't find it. For almost six years I have had guilt that I lost my mother's garter she let me wear for my wedding.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it has been recovered.
The suitcase I took to Wendover this weekend was apparently the very same suitcase I took on my "honeymoon" to the B&B back in 2005. There, in the front pocket, was my mom's blue garter, looking as good as it did the day she loaned it to me. :)



"It's amazing what you find when you clean your room," huh Mom?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Now that's absurd.

I don't generally post twice in one day, but this just couldn't wait.

Yesterday I sat in the Veteran's Center at the college, waiting for Husband, and a student there sat typing a paper for his college course.

I watched as he turned to an employee of the VC and said, "Do you have to put a space after a sentence, before a question mark ?"

I almost walked over and slapped him. How on God's green Earth do you get to college without knowing how to end a sentence?

My dad directed me to this link this morning, which states that 41 states have abandoned cursive writing in their curriculum.

Is this some sort of joke? What, because Mr. Bush doesn't require it, kids no longer need to write with their hands at ALL? I could just cry. It's bad enough our kids aren't even learning grammar, spelling, or punctuation anymore, and art? Completely eliminated. They aren't even going to be required to attempt good handwriting anymore?

My sister believes in homeschooling... I'm starting to think the ONLY realistic option is public school AND additional homeschooling after school. How else will our children learn what they need to know?

I would love some feedback on this if anyone has something to add. I'm completely floored.
At least for this week, my blog is in cursive (well, as close as I can come to cursive through blogger).

Long live the beauty of the written word!

Cooking is bad for your health. I'm planning on doing it more often.

Lately, pictures of me make me cringe and look away. (Like this one, for example, taken on my son's birthday 2 weeks ago.)



I gotta say, it makes me pretty miserable. That's just not really me... I like to look at myself. Haha, I sound like a freak now, but honestly, I like to take a picture and tweak it a little with the color/contrast settings and pretend I'm beautiful. It makes me feel good. (This is probably something I shouldn't be admitting... but that wouldn't be the "depths" of me if I censored for you, would it?)

My sister mentioned starting a diet. I pretty much jumped up and down with excitement. I used to diet... I exercised, too, and I. looked. awesome (for a mother of two kids, that is). Maybe I'll be able to find a picture somewhere and add it here so you can see. It was a good time for me. I was happy, confident, skinny, and I had so much energy.

My face is supposed to look like this!

I kind of look sick in this picture. But you get the idea.

There used to be space between my legs!


Since then, I have gotten progressively lazier. Then I got prego for the third time, and I'm not one of those "I can still climb mountains, even though I'm pregnant" kind of girls. Let's get real, I have never climbed any sort of mountain in my life, and probably never will. Then I had the worst.baby.ever (just kidding, he just had a lot of feeding issues) and I threw the idea of getting back in shape out the window.

Getting back on the diet/exercise train has been a necessity for a long time now, I just haven't had the guts to do it. The best I have gotten for a long time is eating organic cereal instead of cocoa puffs... most (not even all) mornings.

So are you ready? I'm going to go all healthy on you. I'm sorry, I really am, because I hate being THAT girl... but it's better than being The Fat Girl, so I'll take it. :) Have any good tips?
  
My first tip comes from an experience I had yesterday:
I woke up at 6 am with Max, cause he tortures me like that, and I decided to make Husband breakfast. (This is TOTALLY out of character for me. The fact that that man doesn't like to eat cereal is a complete mystery to me. What's not to like? Carbs + milk = good.)

I opened the fridge and pulled out the unthinkable:

Eggs.
Sausage.
Biscuits.
Orange juice.

No, I didn't MAKE biscuits. What, are you kidding? Pillsbury is as close to scratch as I come.

I did, however, pull out a frying pan and start cooking sausage patties. That's domestic, right?
...until the sausage grease flew into my eye, blinding me for hours.

My tip: Jimmy Dean will cook your breakfast meat for you. Never, ever, ever risk grease in your eyeball.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

From misery to recovery

For a while there I thought I would never heal.

Time heals all wounds, right? Wrong.
Time heals nothing. Wounds heal only when YOU make them.
Here's the twist:
You DON'T get to choose the timing.

So all this time I spent in agony over the past,
and really it was in my control all along...
it just takes much longer than I want it to.

Tonight, for the millionth time, I drove by it.
Tonight, for the first time, it didn't hurt.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Wow, Thanks Amanda!


Amanda at The Upside of Wonder featured me on her Hello, Blogosphere post today! This is the eighth edition, and I've found some really great blogs by reading it each month. You should definitely follow Amanda's blog, she's cute and sweet, and she has great style!

Go check me out! I'm famous! :) And don't forget to follow The Upside of Wonder while you're at it!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What's that about the apples... and the tree?

Me, 1980-something

Remember when you were a kid, and you hid under your covers, straining to hear what your parents were fighting about? (No? Boy, were you lucky.)

What was that they just said?
Did I hear that right?
Are they mad at me? My brother? 
What's going to happen next?
Are they going to get divorced?

Falling asleep in fear can probably be blamed for my issues, right? My nightmares, at least. Just kidding, there are about a billion things that contribute to my "tortured soul," but I do wonder what affect I am having on my own children.

I vividly remember curling up in my sister's arms, listening to her softly sing to me, drowning out the sound of my parents yelling. I thought she was the safest place on Earth, and she always would be. It turns out being an adult takes those safe places away, and leaves you on the other side of that scenario.

Each fight they had, each argument, each cutting comment they made, I thought,

Why don't they just stop fighting?
Why won't she quit saying things like that? She knows it causes a fight.
Why can't he just let that comment go? Why can't they just NOT FIGHT?
For Heaven's sake, it's [insert name of holiday here]!

I honestly didn't understand why they didn't just choose to stop.
Maybe they couldn't have chosen that even if they wanted to.
Who am I kidding? Of course they wanted to.
Maybe it really is a choice, and I just don't understand how to do it either?
Maybe it's just a habit I can't break.
Or maybe it's just the nature of the beast... marriage, that is.
Maybe there's another way. 
If there is, in eight years, we've never found it.

We don't fight like we used to. So many things have changed, and we have improved in a million different ways. We'll always be complete and total opposites; there's no changing that, and it will always end up in arguments at least some of the time.

And Asher's not a baby anymore. Now he says things like, "That's ENOUGH! You two just need to QUIT arguing!" He looks like the toughest little five-year-old on the planet, with his little hands on his hips and the stern look on his face... except that little lip quiver that gives him away.

(No, I didn't take this picture during this incident.)

I used to wonder if there was anything that would hurt more than a fight with Husband.

Well, this, ladies and gentlemen, is it. Welcome to You've Turned Into Your Parents.
...and not even the good parts - the parts of them you always said you wouldn't emulate.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

It's (not) my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

Today is Husband's birthday. He is finally twenty-five years old. Sure feels like he was twenty-four for freakin' ever.

I just want to say a few things about Husband, for those of you who don't already know.

  • Husband is 5'9". The absolute most perfect height for a man. For some reason this is the first thing that came to mind. 
  • Husband is a gamer. He lives a huge chunk of his life in battle for something-or-other terran takeover. Or something like that. I'm a terrible gamer-wife (StarCraft SisterWife as I like to - more accurately - refer to it). I don't know what he is or does, how it relates to the other "races", or why it's so ultimately critical to play 18 matches per day. But it is, and the fact that he's passionate about things is one of the reasons I've always been drawn to him.
  • Husband is a closet romantic. He'd hate me for saying so, and he probably doesn't even know it himself, but that's the truth of things. Every once in a while he accidentally lets his guard down and I can see it again. :) 
  • Husband is a master rapper. Rap star. Whatever they call it in the "ghetto". He can keep up with any "flow" (can you see I've been paying attention? I certainly didn't learn that word in the 'hood I grew up in). He tricked me when we got married and made me believe we loved the same music, but guess what... the love of rap runs deep in his blood, and no amount of complaining will ever change it. This would be hella annoying, except for his ability to memorize and imitate the very best. You know how Eminem is, like, way offensive? After 8 years of "education" (by that I mean listening to Eminem in the car for hours and hours, against my will) I am actually willing to admit that Eminem is extremely talented. What he chooses to use that talent for is still up for judgment in my mind, but he has a serious God-given ability to write, use his mouth, and never, ever run out of air. Husband also possesses this quality.
  • Husband is extremely charming. He can "charm the pants off anyone" (his words, not mine), and when he wants to, he can get anything he might desire. This is a talent I definitely do NOT possess, so sometimes it is convenient having him around. Then again... sometimes I get sick of every female we come in contact with falling in love-at-first-sight with my husband. ;) 
  • Husband is a hard worker. He can do anything he sets his mind to, even if he's never even seen it done before. He's extremely teachable, which has been amazing for our life together so far. Neither one of us have a college degree yet, but he's been able to jump into a lot of different jobs and earn respect very quickly. 
  • Husband is a great father. He and I disagree on the amount and intensity of zombie/boxing/MMA games he makes up and imposes on the children... but do you know what I'm learning? He is actually really good for them, so I just need to step back and shut my mouth, because they have a ton of fun with him. 
  • Husband loves without judgment... most of the time. ;) If you really cross him, he's got a grudge that can overcome all obstacles, but when he chooses to love someone, it is not with conditions or boundaries. He wants to be accepted and loved for ALL of who he is, and he accepts and loves all of those he holds close to his heart. He doesn't pick and choose parts and pieces of people to like and other parts to condemn. 
  • Husband made it through 4 years in the Army, where he was completely miserable. He isn't a follower, it isn't in his nature to just go with whatever is told to him, but he stood up and did his duty until his commitment was fulfilled. 4 am - 6 pm every day for years, in Kansas, USA... the absolute most boring place on planet Earth. 
  • Husband is so cute with his brothers and mom. No one really sees that side of him but me, but trust me, you would think it's pretty endearing. Seeing where he comes from helps me every day to understand and appreciate him.
  • Husband does the laundry. Can't beat that!
  • Husband lets me be the messiest housewife in the world, with only occasional complaint. 
  • Husband loves cartoons, social commentary, current events, and Bear Grylls. I'm pretty sure he'd jump up and go survivalist in an instant if he didn't have responsibilities here with us. And I have no doubt he would survive anything he came in contact with.
  • You know that "my dad could kick your dad's *ss" thing kids say? My kids are totally right when they say that. 
  • Husband supports my writing wholeheartedly, and he believes I belong on a top seller list somewhere. Even though I've never published a dang thing on paper. 
These are just random things I appreciate about Husband this morning. I could go on and on, but it's his birthday... I thought it might be nice if I actually cleaned the room and made the bed today. ;) Once a year ain't bad, eh?

Monday, January 17, 2011

Fix your face already!

I know, I know, you're sick of me! But I have worked long and hard (ok, it took me a couple hours) creating a new place to state my opinions.

No, it's not another blog.

Yes, it is almost exactly like a blog. The differences are:
  1. I could potentially make a few cents in the process.
  2. I could even make some money for a non-profit organization of my choice just by writing what I love.
  3. It's entirely focused on one subject: the pursuit of (inexpensive) beauty.
  4. I would seriously adore you if you would check it out on a regular basis, link to it, get the word out on twitter/facebook, etc. Ok, so that one wasn't different than my blog... but I had to throw it out there. 
Come see me at Squidoo: Fix Your Face

Truth: I have cute kids.

Too bad I can't show you the cute new pictures I have from Joshua's birthday parties. Blogger says I have used up all my space for pictures, and I must purchase more. I'm also cheap, so I'm not going to be purchasing more just yet. I have been blogging for five years, and I have just now run out of space.

So my son turned 8 this week... and Husband turns 25 tomorrow. Yesterday he referred to 26 as "geriatric". At least I know how I am in his head... can't say I'm surprised, of course. His favorite jokes all relate to how ancient I am. That's right, I am 1 1/2 years older than husband, and he thinks of me as having "robbed the cradle". I remember thinking about how old I would be when Josh turned 12... I'll be 30. It seemed so incredibly far away. Now I'm realizing that if the last eight years flew by this fast, twelve is just moments away.

Which means... 30 is just moments away. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't think 30 is old. It just doesn't seem fair how quickly life is going. Why does it pass so much more quickly the older you get?

I'm just rambling today. No particular direction... just rambling. The birthday party is over, the dieting is resumed, and the exhaustion has set in. Also, did I mention it's National Depression Month? I'm making that up, I have no idea if it is or isn't... but it's January, and who doesn't get depressed in January? The seasons have a huge affect on my ability to see life in a positive way, and this dark, dreary month is always a tough one.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Let the games begin

Of course by "games" I mean writing. (StarCraft? No, that's Husband you're thinking of.)




Even Max is excited!!!

My new laptop is here. Thanks to a Pell grant for college, I was able to pay for tuition AND this fantastic new tool! I can hardly believe it's mine. I think I'm still in shock. NewEgg.com, basically the best place ever to buy electronics, has never failed us and this is no exception. For $500 I got a really great machine with good memory and processor. School and work are going to be so much easier, and seriously, I can write my book whenever I want now. No more waiting until there's a free computer... I have my own place to store my work, and it travels with me. I couldn't be happier.

(Did I also mention the awesome Ikea bed tray thing I got? If you click the link, it's the white one on the top left. It was a couple weeks ago, but seriously... it's awesome. I use it as a laptop stand in bed, on the couch, on the floor... it's perfect. It's called a Tolga table if you're looking for one, and I got it on sale at Ikea for $4.99.) 

After months and months of hand-writing everything, I am basically jumping for joy (well, as much as someone can after the successful birth of three children). No more hand-writing, no more hand cramping, no more wait until the baby is in bed to write. Pretty sure this is what Heaven feels like. :)


Yep, this is exactly the kind of distraction I needed today... on the day my son is old enough to look like THIS.

Waiting on the man in brown

Ever had one of those days? You know the kind, where you can't do a thing because you're watching out the window for the UPS truck? That's me today. I simply cannot concentrate on a single other thing. Perhaps I just needed this distraction today...

Because today, my little baby boy, the one who changed everything... is eight years old.


Me & Joshy on my birthday, Sept 2010

And I'm not entirely sure I can handle it.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Guest Post: Kathleen Thomas


I received an e-mail from Kathleen Thomas of Primrose Schools asking me if I would be willing to post an article she had written on my blog. She pointed out (and I agree, btw) that my audience could find the information helpful. I'm happy to post her article here, and if you'd like more information about Primrose Schools, click the title of this post or go here.



Communicating With Your Baby

Possessing the ability to speak and communicate in more than one language in today's society is priceless. This type of study usually begins in middle school, or high school for many kids in America. However, these days bilingual education is being taught at a younger age, before kids attend preschool, before they take their first step, and even before they say their first word, through sign language.

The ability to communicate articulately in a variety of ways and languages to the widest possible audience is a great way to stay ahead and ensure a decent standard of living in our suffering economic state. This is not limited to speaking different languages but also non-verbal communication: signing.

As a result of the shortage of American Sign Language interpreters the job opportunities in this field have really opened up, and if current trends continue, it is likely that they will stay this way.

First Words

The toddler years and beyond – ages 2 to five –are an ample time to educate children in different modes of communication and language because of their brain development course. This goes beyond the spoken word (though it is an optimal time for children to learn a second language); many young children have an aptitude for signing as well.

American Indian nations have used sign language for centuries to facilitate communication with other tribes with whom they do not share a language. Some paleontologists and anthropologists theorize that Neanderthals – who apparently lacked the vocal mechanism to produce many spoken words – depended a great deal upon hand gestures to communicate. Therefore it is not as strange as one would think.

In fact, recent research suggests that sign language is innate. An article published in the Boulder Daily Camera in 2003 presented strong evidence that babies as young as six months old communicate with their hands:

The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development are also referred to by the author, demonstrating that young children who are taught sign language at an early age whether at day care or at home, actually develop better verbal skills as they get older. The ability to sign has also helped parents in communicating with autistic children; one parent reports that "using sign language allowed her to communicate with her [autistic] son and minimized his frustration...[he now] has an advanced vocabulary and excels in math, spelling and music" (Glarion, 2003).

Lasting Results

The benefits of early childhood education through signing are endless. In addition to giving kids a way to communicate, it also provides them with an opportunity to form a bond with their parent(s). The hope is that eventually it will become know as one of the "firsts" that no parent wants to miss, such as the first time they walked or their first tooth. Signing is likely to allow communication much earlier than verbally. It creates a closeness that will allow parents to be more in sync with their child's thoughts and needs.


Co-written by Emily Patterson and Kathleen Thomas


Emily and Kathleen are Communications Coordinators for the network of Austin day care facilities belonging to the AdvancED® accredited family of Primrose day care schools.  Primrose Schools are located in 16 states throughout the U.S. and are dedicated to delivering progressive, early childhood, Balanced Learning® curriculum throughout their preschools.





Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Novel

I've been writing non-stop. In that what does my wife do all day, why doesn't Mommy pay attention to me, why doesn't my daughter know how to put away the clean dishes sort of way.

Whenever someone asks me what my book is "about," they get an awkward look on their face as they prepare their next words very carefully. "Um... it sounds good, but are you sure it's a good idea for you to... go there?" they ask.

I just smile and say, "It will be okay. Consider it therapy."

So let's just get this out of the way, shall we? :) My book is about divorce. (In a really, extremely nutshell-version sort of way.)


Actually, if you want to get technical, it isn't "about" anything at all. It is more of a message, a feeling I want to convey, than it is a story I want to tell.

I know it will be tough. I know it will require revisiting some places in my mind, in my memory, that will be hard to see again. I know it will be a risky subject and has the potential to be extremely difficult to receive criticism. But I also know that my near-divorce last year happened for many reasons, and one of those reasons is so I can write this book.

It may take me months or years to know the end of this "story." I haven't yet escaped the heavy emotions and heartache I experienced with the 8-month separation Husband and I took. I haven't yet discovered the end of this path.

I do know that writing "my story" will show me the way, and it will be worth it when I come out the other end, having shed my baggage.

I'll see you all at the end of that yellow brick road (and every step along the way)... I'll meet you there, novel in hand... a whole lot lighter, I hope. At least I don't have to wear ruby slippers (and I don't have to take a dog along with me).

Monday, January 10, 2011

Holy cow, it has my name on it.

So I wrote my first article.

There is now a link to an article with my name and face on it. That I wrote. Holy cow.

Also... I googled "baby bath time tips" and MY article was #7 on the results list. I know this is pretty lame, but I could just jump up and down with crazy excitement right now.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Something that makes my stomach tie in knots

You know how I've spent years saying, "I'm a writer"?

You know how there's not much proof of that?

Well here's what happened to me this week. My friend suggested I apply to be a freelance writer for Demand Media. I thought, "Ha! I have nothing to show for myself; there's no way I could ever get that job." I forgot about the suggestion and went on my way, making absolutely no money and scraping by on my husband's income. After all, what's a girl with no portfolio to do?

My dad came over last week and said something about applying for the Demand Media job. "Oh yeah," I said, "I forgot about that! Maybe I'll take a shot at it..."

In the process, I discovered Bright Hub, a website with (pretty much) the same purpose, also hiring freelance writers. I applied, held my breath for three days, and was accepted as a writer for the Infants/Toddlers channel.

Do you know what that means? That means someone considers me a WRITER. Someone other than myself! Someone was willing to put MY name on their website with the title "writer" underneath. And I swear I'll prove them right if it's the last thing I do. It also means that someone thinks my experience as a mother is worth sharing, which is pretty awesome. It also means that I got my first job that relates to my career goal.

!!!!

Gotta go... learning to navigate the website and generate income is kind of a job all in itself for a beginner like me! Anyway, you can find my new Bright Hub writer profile here. (Also in the sidebar under "More From Me".)

Friday, January 7, 2011

Some days I wake up completely unable to face the world.

...and my wild, screaming children.

Ok, most days. My coffee helps a bit... warms me up and wakes up my brain.
My meds help a ton... stabilize my emotions, get my brain focusing...
And then there's the fact that Husband loves to find new ways to bug me. Apparently he just can't resist The Pursuit of a Dramatic Reaction (which, btw, he will get every time). After growing up with brothers and then spending the last 8 years with Husband, I still haven't learned to just *not* react. It doesn't seem to be in my DNA to ignore an attempt at irritating me.
Remember the times when your parents told you, "Boys chase you [pull your hair, throw snot rockets, etc] because they like you"?

In case you haven't figured it out yet, that never, ever ends.

Anyway, this is one of those mornings. Everything is hazy and kind of slow-moving... But don't worry, any minute now, Husband will make his way up the stairs and start The Pursuit.

Throwing a punch always wakes me right up.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New year, new... what?

Husband & me, ready to go home to bed - New Year's Eve 2010 (technically it was 2011)
This new year is catching me off-guard. I don't know why I don't feel ready for it, but I have this feeling that things are about to change 'round here, and I'm not ready for the changes.

If there's one thing I know, it's not to repeat what I said last year. My mom, brother and I had a terrible 2009, so New Year's Day 2010 I said, "2009 sucked so bad, but it's over now! 2010 is going to be so much better!"

Well... it wasn't much better. Some things were better, I'm not going to pretend that it was all bad. After all, my husband left me, 6 months pregnant, in 2009. Can't get worse than that, right? (And we did get back together in 2010, which turned out to be a good decision, btw.) But the optimistic "it's going to be so much better" attitude was a little much.

So here's to 2011: Year of working hard, scraping by, and being realistic. Happy New Year, everyone! :)

Courtney & me
Josh & Courtney

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