Stop Breaking Your Kids

I found a new blog to love. Thought I'd share it with you. :) For some reason I can't stand to keep a good thing to myself!

Single Dad Laughing

This particular post I am linking to is something I feel so strongly about... please read it. Being a parent (not just a dad) is so important. Sometimes we forget to appreciate the role we play to our kids. 

Dear Guy at My Work,

I can see that you probably got a lot of attention in high school. Maybe even college, though I doubt that (you work at my work; I really doubt college happened for you). Maybe you even currently get a lot of female attention at the clubs where you quite possibly spend your weekends. But please, allow me to clarify something:

This does not mean that every time I speak to you is an attempt to flirt with you (same goes for every other woman at work; they are also not interested in you).

I don't know why you (and many other men) believe that every time a woman approaches you with a question or sends a smile in your direction they are trying to become the object of your affection. It's simply not true. Some of us are actually just doing our jobs, which inevitably includes coming to you with questions.

We are not secretly asking you to marry us whenever we say, "Guy at Work, how do I process a return voucher?" It isn't code. We aren't dying to undress you and take advantage of your (not even)irresistible body. I, for one, will not be stalking you when you drive home from work tonight so I can catch a glimpse through your window as you take off those (not)sexy work clothes.

So, next time one of us sends a simple inquiry your way, just smile and give us your best, most professional answer to our question. I promise we won't pounce on the chance to believe that smile means you want us to have your lovebabies. We will just smile, say, "Thank you, Guy at Work. That helps a lot," and go about our business. In fact, we may even go home to our husbands and children not spending the entire evening plotting our next conversation with you. Chances are, we'll probably just go home and collapse in front of the TV, complaining about our feet, hoping for some much-needed attention from our own spouses.

In conclusion: There is no need to regard every Not-on-Your-List-of-Conquests woman as if she is carrying a life-threatening disease. Not everyone desperately wants you. It's ok to smile. It would even be okay to pretend you like being there, risk-free.

Sincerely,
New Girl at Work

How to Be Alone

StumbleUpon has brought me many beautiful things, this video included. This girl is my hero.

Masquerade

Over the years I have discovered something about myself: I am not a good judge of character. I'm gullible. I trust too freely. At first I am suspicious of people, because I have learned that most people aren't what they seem... but inevitably after a little convincing, I am fooled into believing whatever they wanted me to believe about them.

But here's the thing about being fake... you can't keep it up forever. At some point your true character will shine through, despite my naive need to believe in your facade. No one can fake being a good person forever. Eventually something will slip out and the pieces will fall together, and I finally see who you really are.

And it breaks my heart. No matter how many times I trust and fall, my heart breaks every time.

Steve says when things like that happen we're just supposed to take that opportunity to really appreciate our true friends. But my question is... how do we know who they are?

I'm tired of being fooled.

When a book changes your life

I have written of life-changing books before. Last time I did that, I ended up severely disappointed by the author, and for a while I questioned my own judgment. (I've since changed my mind. People make mistakes, and even people who make big mistakes have worthwhile things to say.)

Another time I blogged about a movie that "saved my marriage," and I actually lost a friend over it. No, I'm not kidding. Not to mention Husband and I separated just weeks after that post was published.

But I am willing to take a chance on this one, and give him all the positive feedback I can manage. Yesterday I picked up a copy of Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher from the library. My friend Jenn reads a lot of YA stuff, so she recommends books to me that are worth reading, and this one came with a great big "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK!" so I knew it was a must-read. Normally I would just buy a book with a review like that, but in our current economic situation I decided just to get my name on the waiting list at the library. It took six weeks to get the book, and I read it over the course of 12 hours (some of those hours were used to sleep).

Jenn was absolutely right when she said "this book should be required reading for high schools everywhere." Junior high, even. (Unfortunately students will probably still be reading Of Mice and Men instead, because no one can handle letting teenagers read about reality anymore - especially modern reality.)  I really wish I had taken the chance to buy 13 Reasons while I had the chance to get it 50% off at B&N.com the other day... I added it to the shopping cart and everything, but decided against it, since Husband is technically unemployed. It would have been worth every penny and then some. As soon as I get a paycheck I'll be buying at least two copies, one to keep and one to start circulating among the teens and parents of teens I know. I think every human should read this book, think about it, write about it, discuss it... it could be world-changing. (Not an exaggeration.)

If you can, get your hands on a copy. And go here to participate in the 13RWProject.

In addition to being an amazing resource for teens learning to empathize with others, 13 Reasons opened my mind to exactly what I've been missing in my own WIP. Until today I couldn't find within myself the conclusion to my character's story.

Now I know exactly where she needs to go and why, and I am back on track. :)

Googled

So check this out: I googled "To the Depths" to see what came up... you know, wondering if there's a lot of people using the same title as I am.

Top results:

1. wowhead.com, a World of Warcraft site
2. A band called To the Depths on myspace.com
3. creativepastors.com

If you know anything about me at all, you know that I hold an all-consuming hatred for World of Warcraft. Besides its geek-nerd factor, it almost ruined my marriage and my life. WoW is a soul-consuming pit of despair, sucking good husbands, wives, fathers, brothers and sons into its black hole of doom. 

I haven't actually heard this To the Depths band, but who knows? Maybe it's not so bad sharing a name with them. And I don't have anything against pastors with a creative flair... so overall, it's not so bad sharing a name with them either. 

But guess what? If you google "to the depths aubrey ortega" you get a bunch of blog posts by me. And that's pretty nerdy-awesome. For some reason it makes me feel validated as a human. (So does this!)

Grand opening!

I've spent the last two weeks preparing hundreds of pieces of apparel to fill the racks at my new job, and today is finally the store's grand opening! I'm pretty psyched, actually, although I will miss working in jeans and tennis shoes! And processing the shipment was exhausting, but really kind of fun.

Today I will answer questions I know nothing about, watch tons of people buy cute stuff for cheap, and re-rack a whole lotta clothes. It's gonna be fun!

If you live in the area (and you know what I'm talking about), come see the new store!

Must share

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE A BABY

(source)

MESS TEST

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in
the wet flower bed and rub on the walls.

Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may
substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them
all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or
kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with
you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and
pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag
making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from
the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert
spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the
mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the
contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds
of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and
hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm
for 10:00 PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have
ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00
AM.  Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up
for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST

Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they
can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training, and table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve.
Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run
wild.

Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the
answers.

What I REALLY Wish I Knew

Yesterday I was sitting down to write more for the What I Wish I Knew book I'm putting together for my nieces, and I drew a great big BLANK. So I pulled out my old journal from high school and read it, hoping for some inspirational way to sum-up what I wish I had known back then. (Important info: this journal started the summer before sophomore year, and ended around the end of my sophomore year.)

Do you know what I learned? 

I'm a pathetic, shallow man-lover. 

Ok, scratch that. I was a pathetic, shallow man-lover. 

I am not exaggerating when I say that my entire journal was filled cover-to-cover with nothing but incessant ramblings about boys. I know you're thinking "that's normal," but it's even worse than you're thinking. Every single thing I did was completely and utterly driven by my intentions with boy-of-the-moment. (That's not an exaggeration either... the boy "problems" I was ranting about lasted about as long as a lifesaver before being replaced by a new boy and a new "problem.") Not a single thing of substance was said. 

A lot of important things happened that year. Big things that I remember vividly. But do you think I wrote a single word about them? No, I did not. I wrote about every single thing I ever thought, said, or felt about every single boy I ever met, but nothing of the real stuff. There are guys in there I don't even remember meeting, but apparently they were sooooo amazing. Ugh. One line in my journal actually said, "I know he's not very empathetic, and he's lied a lot... but I just love the way he treats me."

Um... what?!

That's the other thing... everything I wrote revolved around what so-and-so said about me, how he made me feel special... About 95% of the content was based in how someone flattered me; only about 5% about the actual character of that guy. It turns out I wasn't just boy-crazy, I was also completely self-centered. I didn't write about family or friends or school... just when some boy said I was pretty or looked at me in "that way". This isn't a huge shock, but I am definitely surprised by the intensity of it. I was pretty sure I had more substance than most teenagers... at the time. 

It's a weird feeling, wondering if you wasted your youth... Not being who you thought you were.

Don't know what you've got 'till it's gone

Ok, ok, I admit I judged Husband a little harshly. Working is so much more exhausting than I remembered, and I'm afraid I was pretty judgmental if he didn't have energy left to hang out with us after work. After every shift I've worked this week, I've gone home, eaten the first available thing, collapsed into bed, and slept for hours on end. It has taken a lot out of me! But it's nice to go out and meet people, talk about grown-up things, and be taken seriously.

Things I already miss:
Having time to read
Having emotional energy to write
Lying around in my pajamas with the kids watching TV while I woke up
Eating something more than finger food
Evenings with Husband (now I just go to bed at 8pm so I can get up at 5am for work!)

Things I already love about working:
Coming home to my kids who have actually missed me!
The way Husband looks at me in my work clothes, like he's actually impressed with me.
Husband did the DISHES while I was at work! Seriously!

Anyway, enough about work for now.
Yesterday my mother-in-law and brother-in-law came to our house. We decided (at 5pm) to go for a walk to the park with the kids! What a great idea! Except, it wasn't. Halfway there we were wiping sweat from our foreheads and wondering what on earth we were thinking leaving the air conditioned apartment. At the park we were all too tired and hot to even play, and Max spent more time at the drinking fountain than he did on the playground. Then we still had to walk back... and the best part: the stroller's supports are metal, and they got so hot that they just bent and broke as we were walking. The 28-lb "baby" had to be carried home.

Oh, and did you know there are still ice cream trucks? The Ice Cream Man drove his noisy little van up and down that street about a billion times while we were walking home with those too-hot boys. I wanted to scream, "We don't have any money, creep! It's time to go somewhere else!!!"  Instead I just got to tell my boys over and over, "No, really, we didn't bring any money with us."  Carrying the broken stroller back was pretty cool too.

I think you've probably already picked up on the fact that this post isn't about anything in particular. I'm just happy to be home with my boys instead of at work on my feet processing hundreds of boxes of shipment!  The SaHM gig is even better than I thought.

Lessons learned: Day 2

Things I learned on day 2 of work:

1. Work makes you too tired to type.

Lessons learned

Today was my first "real" day of work (after two days of orientation - staring at people who were talking, signing a bunch of papers). I'm too tired to form sentences, so you get a top ten list.

Top Ten Things I Learned My First Day:

1. Retail still sucks.
2. Bring lunch money. "I probably won't be that hungry" is the dumbest thing you've ever said.
3. What made you think you could survive without coffee? Get real. Tomorrow you'll need an IV drip to get through the day.
4. No one wants to hear all about your kids. Other people have real lives of their own. Shut up next time.
5. You thought you were on your feet a lot before? Ha! 
6. Not exercising means that your back will hurt. A lot. Lift some weights!!!
7. Missing your kids sucks. But being out is pretty cool too. 
8. Kick yourself for all those times you tried on clothes and didn't hang them back up or put them in the right place. Seriously. Shame on you. Karma is getting you back now, and it's laughing at your pain.
9. The "end" of your shift is very much an estimated time. "I'll be off by 6" was a naive thing to say.
10. Retail still sucks.

Surprises

As I've given myself permission to slip into reading again, I've been discovering things about myself I didn't realize.

Such as...

While reading Anne Tyler books, I become aware of my fears that people might not understand my intentions when reading my work. (Who cares? If my book doesn't make sense to them, they won't read it, right?) I don't actually have to worry so much about their understanding. I've been limiting myself to what I think others would comprehend, and that's just beside the point.

I started Succubus Blues by Richelle Mead yesterday. I'm halfway through the book, and it turns out it's kinda dirty. Why that surprises me, I don't know - it's about succubus, after all. Suddenly I am realizing I am not the open, real, unedited writer I think I am. It's no secret I am a sexual person (as are most people)  - I had three kids by the age of 25 - but I have never written a single thing that would suggest such things. I'm too afraid of what people will think. After all, if I become a published author, won't my mother read my books? I never took myself as the kind of person who would blush at that idea, but I get all nervous just thinking about it. Of course I could never open up and let loose with my writing, because people I know might read it! When did I   become someone who worried about the judgment of others?

And aren't they just people, too, after all? My mom, my dad, my brothers and sisters... aren't they people who enjoy reading about human experience as much as I do? Honestly, who's to say they would even have time to read my novels anyway? Is it just arrogant for me to believe people would be reading it at all? As my dad pointed out the other day, it takes a certain amount of arrogance to be a writer, so I must have some vanity going on under it all.

That's not to say I want to write dirty, sexy novels. All I'm saying is that I limit myself in a lot of areas (that being only one of them) because of what people - mostly just the people I know well - will think of it, or how they might (mis)understand it. Just thoughts, but they are kind of stirring up uncomfortable emotions in me. Not being the open, uncensored person I believe myself to be is kind of unsettling.

Oh, well... I've still got half a book to read. :)

Working Girl, Friends, and What I Wish

I started my new job yesterday. I got all dressed up and didn't wear jeans or flip-flops. It was weird (and awesome) to be all professional-looking and out of the house. Had another orientation today. It feels really good to know I'll own some of the income around here, but I'm exhausted! Saturday we receive trucks of merchandise, and the new store opens July 16th! It's going to be a crazy busy week, but I'm pretty excited about it all. Coming home to see my kids and husband was great... they were happy to see me!

This is what we look like when we're having critique night :) 

Oh, also, remember when I said I don't have any pictures with my friends? That very night I asked my brother (intjonmiller@gmail.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Perceptional-Reality/186332321387138 - do me a favor and "like" him on fb so he can get a shorter fb url!) to take some pictures of us at girls' night. He was trying out a new camera, which didn't turn out to be very great, and the sun was going down... so they aren't the best pictures ever, but I still love them! My girls look beautiful, thanks Jon!

Me, Jamie, Jenn, Andrea

One of just Jenn, cause she's short on pictures of herself these days.

***I've put together all my content for the What I Wish I Knew book, but if anyone else has any input, please send it to me! So far it's turning out really great, but I'd like a little more to add if you have time! Also, if you're willing to send a picture of yourself as a teenager, that would be pretty amazing too! Thank you!!!***